Change can be good

Sometimes we tend to hang on

To old things

Old memories

Old places

People we once knew

Who went away

Phases in our life

A time of joy or love

Loyalty to memories

Over loyalty to oneself

We tend to shun change

As though it is betrayal

But the truth is

Change is good

What does not change

Stagnates, decays and dies.

Change is proof you are alive

Change means you’re on a journey

You’re still on the way

To achieving something

A dream, a goal, a purpose

Change is process

Change is learning

Change changes us

You and I are not static

We move

We grow

We learn

We understand

We analyse

We thrive

We meditate

Looking back at difficult times

There is always something to learn

There are mysteries to solve

Questions to find answers to

Old patterns to decode

Delink from and discard

Who did what and why

Where is the key?  

Once out of that process

It is time to bid goodbye

To the past

There is no point in lingering

To smell the stale air

Of a bygone time

Come out of the stupor

Embrace the fresh new air

Change is new life

A seed turning into a sapling

Flowers turning into fruits

Our life is a circle

It keeps on turning

Just as the clocks hands

Keep moving

Move on, embrace change!

~ Henrietta Decruz 

(C) 2017

My Beautiful Mother - Reenie Decruz

The years were hard on her
Traveling all over the country
The wife of an Indian Air Force man
With four children to look after
And an unenviable budget
Yet she had big dreams...

It made her work so hard
It made her make many sacrifices
It made her suffer a lot of grief
So many misunderstood her
Her journey was so singularly different
That no one could relate to it.

She was quiet in her younger days
She would sing like a lark
The difficult days stole her voice from her
And made her tough like a rock
If anyone would dare to do anything to her children
She would fight like a warrior!

Four children, four walls...
No outings, no luxuries...
As a girl she was treated like a princess
Lavishly loved by her father
Never knew want or lack
Yet past her marriage her story changed...

Gifted with an agile mind
She would have made a very good Teacher
Or even better still a Lawyer
Robbed of her potential
As she couldn't pursue higher education
She fought hardest to educate her children.

Today I salute my Mother Ann Catherine Helen
Reenie she is called by those who love her
If she was not there my father would have no strength
And we her children would have no future
She prayed the best she could in the days of struggles
May the Lord bless her with the very Best for the rest of her days!

~ Henrietta Decruz

No Regrets

Talking to someone

Retracing steps in life

I realized

I’ve come a long way

I learned

I have grown

I rejoice

I have no regrets.

Though pain stabbed

My inner being

Grief almost

Maimed my soul

My heart cried

Till every tear had run dry

I survived

I lived to tell my story.

At every juncture

Every difficult phase

My heart though grieved

Had made the right decisions

I loved

I gave

I helped

I cared for others.

I thank God

Who has been

My Helper

My Counselor

My Comforter

My Guide

My Strength

My Protector.

Years of pain

Numbed my mind

Yet He kept me going

He kept me sane

His love a balm

Over every wound

His words so loving

It gave me life.

It may seem

I am a hero

But I know

The real hero

Is God, the One

Who silently shielded

Carried and held me 

Till I found myself. 

- Henrietta Decruz

I AM Radio plays my song 'Follow Me'

On the 25th February 2017, I received the most wonderful news!

Bob McKinley, the Station Director of I AM Radio wrote to me saying, "We listened to both of your songs and thought that "Follow Me" was the best fit for our Christian Contemporary station. With your permission we will add it to our featured playlist. God Bless and may the Holy Spirit inspire you to keep writing more songs!"

It was the best news for me!

Today, the 6th March 2017, my joy was complete as I heard my song play on air live through I AM Radio!

What a joy!


About I AM Radio

I AM Radio is a non-profit commercial-free radio station located in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. We believe that music is a social medium that reaches out to believers and non-believers alike and that is also why we chose the rock and adult contemporary formats. We want to give people an alternative to the other rock and contemporary media out there which promotes hopelessness, despair, anger, and lust. Instead we want to provide a message of hope and encouragement. There are many talented and committed Christian artists creating Christian Music and we hope to promote them and their message.


A BIG Thank You to I AM Radio!! They are a big blessing to me! I hope my song will be a blessing to many people around the world!

You can listen to I AM Radio here...

If you would like to hear the song 'Follow Me' you can hear it here...
http://henriettadecruz.com/

The Everyday Hero

When your little toe hurts

It hurts so badly

It makes you think

The pain can kill you!

It does not matter then

How you look

What clothes you wear

What others think about you…

What will happen tomorrow

Or one hour later.

Trauma robs a person

Of everything enjoyable

Locks them in a dungeon

Made of grief and despair

Sorrow that cannot be shared…

A lonely desolate place

Where no one understands

No one speaks to you

No one cares

Death lingers around.

Prolonged trauma kills

Persona, dreams, desires for joy

Imagine a time when

Every breath weighs a ton

Every moment is unbearable

And you feel you just can’t go on.

Imagine living with your worst enemy

Someone who wants you dead

Someone who wished you were never born

Someone who hates who you are…

Whenever you meet a person

Dressed shabbily, looking drab

Downcast eyes, sad countenance

Covered with an invisibility cloak

Suggesting they don’t exist

Don’t write them off.

Chances are they are survivors

Fighting the greatest battle

Of their lives

Fighting just to live!

Some of such heroes

Live under cover

Different identities

Different faces

For different people or places.

They don’t want to burden you

With their sad stories

But their inner walls

Have a thousand trophies

Of times they made it by a whisker.

I salute these heroes

Of everyday life

Who never get a mention

In a newspaper, website or tweet

Someday as they keep fighting

They will make a better life

Someday their beacon

Will become a flame

That guides many others

Helps them find their way home!

~ Henrietta Decruz 

Healing and Restoration - Everyone Needs it!!

Hello Everyone!

For those who follow my blog closely, you must have wondered where I disappeared! Well for the truth to be told, there are times when we need to take a dive within ourselves. We need to search and ponder and bring to a sense of order to our memories, our sense of who we are and whom we belong to... and also the meaning of life and what we really want to do with it. 

I felt it was time and so I took off. I needed to come to terms with my own life story and all the life experiences I have been through in this lifetime. I'm happy to say that I have found peace and refreshing at last! 

During this time I was really blessed to attend a 3 Day Workshop on Child Emotional Trauma and Trauma Informed Care organized by the Child Healing Centre, Bangalore. The trainers of the workshop were Ruby Johnston and Lynn Johnston of the LAMb International Canada and USA. George Ebenezer, the Managing Director of Child Healing Centre and Santhosa Samsara Social Charitable Trust was instrumental in organizing this workshop. 

The workshop was a great tool in helping me come to terms with my own life story. It also helped me understand how children from hard places needed to be cared for. One of the things Ruby Johnston said was that each child had a unique story and only they 'own' that story. It is the story of their life. 

I've spent years trying to grapple with my life story because I too am a child from a hard place. I find various reactions from people when I share a painful truth about my life and most of the time it would make me regret sharing as people don't understand where I am coming from or my reasons for sharing them. Some people think I am speaking ill of the 'persons' in my story but there is a difference between saying something to malign a person and speaking the truth about what happened to you. 

This workshop helped me realize that I own my story, my story is about what really happened to me. My story belongs to only me and not anyone else even in my family. No one else may understand my story or have felt what I went through. They don't have to because they have their own story! This brought me great peace and restoration because finally I could deal with all the voices and fingers that were pointing at me as though I am doing something wrong.  

I would encourage everyone to take time to go deep within and set right the doubts and questions you have about your past. Find answers and set the past free so you can live your life in a meaningful and fruitful way. Only when we own our identity completely having made peace with our past, can we live in the present in a natural and confident way.  

It is not easy for those who have not had 'normal' lives to do this. Not everyone comes from 'normal families.' Many people have had experiences of trauma at some point in their lives. Some are still facing it in their present. The workshop taught me that living with consistent pain for a number of years has a deep impact in how the brain functions and it can change the personality of the person too. 

It is sad that most of the time people living with pain are advised to not speak about it to anyone. Our society likes to behave like a monster that forces them to hide their sorrows and trauma under a carpet! This is nothing less than swallowing people alive as it inhibits them from finding their 'real self' and living a fulfilling and meaningful life! 

In some countries like the US and in Europe trauma care is very advanced and professionals assist such persons to overcome the challenges they face in life. There is no stigma attached, so those who are broken in spirit and broken-hearted can reach out and get the help they need. However, most countries have a long way to go to get there. India is one of them!

My understanding of children who have gone through trauma has increased a great deal thanks to Olga Martin, the founder of Street-Heroes Of India (SOI). SOI has been helping children from hard places who are housed in children's home find healing and restoration through various kinds of therapy including art, music, drama, dance and the like.

Thanks to George Ebenezer's efforts through Child Healing Centre, Bangalore things are beginning to change! They have planned a set of similar workshops across India! I believe this will help bring the change that India needs so much! If you are interested in participating in any of their future workshops do drop him a line!

Let us bring real change to India! Let us bring awareness in this nation so that children from hard places can find healing and restoration and live a life of peace!  

~ Henrietta Decruz 

If you would like to read more, do check these links: 
Adverse Childhood Experiences 
Can Family Secrets Make You Sick? 
The Toll of Childhood Trauma