Unshed Tears

Unshed tears... 

Well up when I retrace times that are gone

Moments pregnant with expectation 
Whose hopes were crushed to the ground

Words that tore apart my heart 
While I held my face in a neutral place

People who have come and gone 
Some leaving without an address

A pain so deep I cannot fathom 
A wound so wide it wouldn't heal

Buried in the recesses of my mind 
While I held my face in a neutral place

Lost on purpose with no intention to find 
A wound so wide it wouldn't heal

Somewhere deep inside me is an ocean 

That tosses and turns and makes me want to cry

I look away as though confronted by some alien or stranger 
I flee from the thought of opening that door

What a heavy burden I have laden myself with 
Trudging the long distance journey of life

No one to share it with 
They are all busy with much on their hands

Who would want to speak about heartache? 
Who would mess up a fine young evening with sad tales?

Yet I remember a friend not so long ago 
Who heard my pleas and cried with me

Unshed tears 
Years and years of tears that have gone dry.

I Am Sorry

I am sorry

I apologize

I am not the person you want me to be

I am different

Someone you don’t understand.

My life experiences

Have been very different from yours

And very painful too

I had to swim across a sea of pain

To get here.

I am sorry

I cannot change my past

Or unwrite my life before

Or become what you think

 I should be.

I would love to be

The person I was before things went wrong

When my dreams were full of joy

When I knew how to trust

And enjoyed every moment.

I’ve struggled a lot to come this far

Picked up the pieces

Got through many dark nights

Shed tears by the bucket

Because it hurt so bad.

I am sorry

I cannot say this is a good world

I cannot pretend that nothing happened

And I cannot say untruths

Just to please you.

I have learnt to keep going

I have learnt I have to be strong

Cos there are times

When you have no one else to depend on

But God.

I am sorry

I haven’t been able to live the life I wanted

And I have a zest for what I missed

Which few can understand

I cannot give that up!

I am sorry

I am not just any average person

Cos I believe that there are no average persons

Everyone is special and unique

And so am I.