19 March 2016

Journey Homewards

Among the vast sea of humankind
I searched for peace and tranquility
And I found none.
Strife, stress and an unending story
Of unrequited, incomplete relationships
Despair, loneliness and isolation
Caused by the desire to live by higher values
Turns and turns, bends on the road
That led me nowhere…
Ultimately I realized I searched amiss
In the wrong place for the wrong things!
My search brought me home to me
What I sought was all within me
The guidance and direction I needed
Was given to me in written words
In my haste to taste fulfillment
I had forsaken them…
What folly!
I shut the door to the outer world
And began to pick the pieces
Of my fragmented heart and mind
One by one I put them back together.

The written word was truly a guide
The Spirit who gave it ever-present
I looked back at the whole road I travelled
And learned what He said was true.
Every time I had fumbled and fallen
Every time I had bruised my soul
It was a sign I lost control
Of this person I was entrusted with.
He had given me standards to be safe
I had not heeded them
My folly led to my downfall.

Woken up from a dazed sleep
I dusted off the frivolous thoughts
The vagrant ways I had adopted
In a bid to be accepted
By those who rejected me.
I took back the power
I had given other people
It made me feel complete and whole
For the first time in my life.
I felt I regained my goodness
My worth and my identity.  

Now I stand in a better place
Peace within and with myself
I know I have made mistakes
I know I did much wrong
The good thing is that I learned
From all of them.
I know I don’t want to go back
I know the road ahead is treacherous
But there is a guide, there is a plan
And I have to only follow the map 
That will lead me Home!

~ Henrietta Decruz (C) 2016