02 November 2017

Change can be good

Sometimes we tend to hang on
To old things
Old memories
Old places
People we once knew
Who went away
Phases in our life
A time of joy or love

Loyalty to memories
Over loyalty to oneself
We tend to shun change
As though it is betrayal
But the truth is
Change is good
What does not change
Stagnates, decays and dies.

Change is proof you are alive
Change means you’re on a journey
You’re still on the way
To achieving something
A dream, a goal, a purpose
Change is process
Change is learning
Change changes us

You and I are not static
We move
We grow
We learn
We understand
We analyse
We thrive
We meditate

Looking back at difficult times
There is always something to learn
There are mysteries to solve
Questions to find answers to
Old patterns to decode
Delink from and discard
Who did what and why
Where is the key?  

Once out of that process
It is time to bid goodbye
To the past
There is no point in lingering
To smell the stale air
Of a bygone time
Come out of the stupor
Embrace the new fresh air

Change is new life
A seed turning into a sapling
Flowers turning into fruits
Our life is a circle
It keeps on turning
Just as the clocks hands
Keep moving
Move on, embrace change!

~ Henrietta Decruz 
(C) 2017

10 June 2017

My Beautiful Mother - Reenie Decruz

Reenie Decruz

The years were hard on her
Traveling all over the country
The wife of an Indian Air Force man
With four children to look after
And an unenviable budget
Yet she had big dreams...

It made her work so hard
It made her make many sacrifices
It made her suffer a lot of grief
So many misunderstood her
Her journey was so singularly different
That no one could relate to it.

She was quiet in her younger days
She would sing like a lark
The difficult days stole her voice from her
And made her tough like a rock
If anyone would dare to do anything to her children
She would fight like a warrior!

Four children, four walls...
No outings, no luxuries...
As a girl she was treated like a princess
Lavishly loved by her father
Never knew want or lack
Yet past her marriage her story changed...

Gifted with an agile mind
She would have made a very good Teacher
Or even better still a Lawyer
Robbed of her potential
As she couldn't pursue higher education
She fought hardest to educate her children.

Today I salute my Mother Ann Catherine Helen
Reenie she is called by those who love her
If she was not there my father would have no strength
And we her children would have no future
She prayed the best she could in the days of struggles
May the Lord bless her with the very Best for the rest of her days!

~ Henrietta Decruz

15 March 2017

No Regrets

Talking to someone
Retracing steps in life
I realized
I’ve come a long way
I learned
I have grown
I rejoice
I have no regrets.

Though pain stabbed
My inner being
Grief almost
Maimed my soul
My heart cried
Till every tear had run dry
I survived
I lived to tell my story.

At every juncture
Every difficult phase
My heart though grieved
Had made the right decisions
I loved
I gave
I helped
I cared for others.

I thank God
Who has been
My Helper
My Counselor
My Comforter
My Guide
My Strength
My Protector.

Years of pain
Numbed my mind
Yet He kept me going
He kept me sane
His love a balm
Over every wound
His words so loving
It gave me life.

It may seem
I am a hero
But I know
The real hero
Is God, the One
Who silently shielded
Carried and held me 
Till I found myself. 

- Henrietta Decruz

06 March 2017

I AM Radio plays my song 'Follow Me'

On the 25th February 2017, I received the most wonderful news!

Bob McKinley, the Station Director of I AM Radio wrote to me saying, "We listened to both of your songs and thought that "Follow Me" was the best fit for our Christian Contemporary station. With your permission we will add it to our featured playlist. God Bless and may the Holy Spirit inspire you to keep writing more songs!"

It was the best news for me!

Today, the 6th March 2017, my joy was complete as I heard my song play on air live through I AM Radio!

What a joy!

About I AM Radio

I AM Radio is a non-profit commercial-free radio station located in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. We believe that music is a social medium that reaches out to believers and non-believers alike and that is also why we chose the rock and adult contemporary formats. We want to give people an alternative to the other rock and contemporary media out there which promotes hopelessness, despair, anger, and lust. Instead we want to provide a message of hope and encouragement. There are many talented and committed Christian artists creating Christian Music and we hope to promote them and their message.

A BIG Thank You to I AM Radio!! They are a big blessing to me! I hope my song will be a blessing to many people around the world!

You can listen to I AM Radio here...

If you would like to hear the song 'Follow Me' you can hear it here...

21 February 2017

The Everyday Hero

When your little toe hurts
It hurts so badly
It makes you think
The pain can kill you!
It does not matter then
How you look
What clothes you wear
What others think about you…
What will happen tomorrow
Or one hour later.

Trauma robs a person
Of everything enjoyable
Locks them in a dungeon
Made of grief and despair
Sorrow that cannot be shared…
A lonely desolate place
Where no one understands
No one speaks to you
No one cares
Death lingers around.

Prolonged trauma kills
Persona, dreams, desires for joy
Imagine a time when
Every breath weighs a ton
Every moment is unbearable
And you feel you just can’t go on.
Imagine living with your worst enemy
Someone who wants you dead
Someone who wished you were never born
Someone who hates who you are…

Whenever you meet a person
Dressed shabbily, looking drab
Downcast eyes, sad countenance
Covered with an invisibility cloak
Suggesting they don’t exist
Don’t write them off.
Chances are they are survivors
Fighting the greatest battle
Of their lives
Fighting just to live!

Some of such heroes
Live under cover
Different identities
Different faces
For different people or places.
They don’t want to burden you
With their sad stories
But they know their inner walls
Have a thousand trophies
Of times they made it by a whisker.

I salute these heroes

Of everyday life
Who never get a mention
In a newspaper, website or tweet
Someday as they keep fighting
They will make a better life
Someday their beacon
Will become a flame
That guides many others
Helps them find their way home!

~ Henrietta Decruz 


17 February 2017

Healing and Restoration - Everyone Needs it!!

Hello Everyone!

For those who follow my blog closely, you must have wondered where I disappeared! Well for the truth to be told, there are times when we need to take a dive within ourselves. We need to search and ponder and bring to a sense of order to our memories, our sense of who we are and whom we belong to... and also the meaning of life and what we really want to do with it. 

I felt it was time and so I took off. I needed to come to terms with my own life story and all the life experiences I have been through in this lifetime. I'm happy to say that I have found peace and refreshing at last! 

During this time I was really blessed to attend a 3 Day Workshop on Child Emotional Trauma and Trauma Informed Care organized by the Child Healing Centre, Bangalore. The trainers of the workshop were Ruby Johnston and Lynn Johnston of the LAMb International Canada and USA. George Ebenezer, the Managing Director of Child Healing Centre and Santhosa Samsara Social Charitable Trust was instrumental in organizing this workshop. 

The workshop was a great tool in helping me come to terms with my own life story. It also helped me understand how children from hard places needed to be cared for. One of the things Ruby Johnston said was that each child had a unique story and only they 'own' that story. It is the story of their life. 

I've spent years trying to grapple with my life story because I too am a child from a hard place. I find various reactions from people when I share a painful truth about my life and most of the time it would make me regret sharing as people don't understand where I am coming from or my reasons for sharing them. Some people think I am speaking ill of the 'persons' in my story but there is a difference between saying something to malign a person and speaking the truth about what happened to you. 

This workshop helped me realize that I own my story, my story is about what really happened to me. My story belongs to only me and not anyone else even in my family. No one else may understand my story or have felt what I went through. They don't have to because they have their own story! This brought me great peace and restoration because finally I could deal with all the voices and fingers that were pointing at me as though I am doing something wrong.  

I would encourage everyone to take time to go deep within and set right the doubts and questions you have about your past. Find answers and set the past free so you can live your life in a meaningful and fruitful way. Only when we own our identity completely having made peace with our past, can we live in the present in a natural and confident way.  

It is not easy for those who have not had 'normal' lives to do this. Not everyone comes from 'normal families.' Many people have had experiences of trauma at some point in their lives. Some are still facing it in their present. The workshop taught me that living with consistent pain for a number of years has a deep impact in how the brain functions and it can change the personality of the person too. 

It is sad that most of the time people living with pain are advised to not speak about it to anyone. Our society likes to behave like a monster that forces them to hide their sorrows and trauma under a carpet! This is nothing less than swallowing people alive as it inhibits them from finding their 'real self' and living a fulfilling and meaningful life! 

https://feminisminindia.com/2017/01/09/visiblizing-taboo-child-sexual-abuse-india/In some countries like the US and in Europe trauma care is very advanced and professionals assist such persons to overcome the challenges they face in life. There is no stigma attached, so those who are broken in spirit and broken-hearted can reach out and get the help they need. However, most countries have a long way to go to get there. India is one of them!

My understanding of children who have gone through trauma has increased a great deal thanks to Olga Martin, the founder of Street-Heroes Of India (SOI). SOI has been helping children from hard places who are housed in children's home find healing and restoration through various kinds of therapy including art, music, drama, dance and the like.

Thanks to George Ebenezer's efforts through Child Healing Centre, Bangalore things are beginning to change! They have planned a set of similar workshops across India! I believe this will help bring the change that India needs so much! If you are interested in participating in any of their future workshops do drop him a line!

Let us bring real change to India! Let us bring awareness in this nation so that children from hard places can find healing and restoration and live a life of peace!  

~ Henrietta Decruz 

If you would like to read more, do check these links: 
Adverse Childhood Experiences 
Can Family Secrets Make You Sick? 
The Toll of Childhood Trauma