Years have gone by...
There is someone I am dying to meet
Someone I used to know so well
Almost like my own self
I venture out on a journey to find her
Knowing that this time too
The pain will be unbearable.
Yes, I have done this before
And had to come back unsuccessful
The weight of carrying this load
Almost broke me down several times
Feeling vary about the whole exercise
I had given up.
I try to search for her
I try to pick up the pieces
Some strands here
Some mangled shards lying there
A mosaic they make
Glistening in the sun
Beckoning to me, ‘Come!’
I pull back feeling shy
Then a song, a film, a memory
In a flash something comes back
I flow in the wave of that emotion for a while
Till hard reality hits me again.
I tire easily
This is heart wrenching
I feel like giving up
But my soul doesn’t let me
Because this person I’m looking for
Is far too precious to me.
Perhaps it is a jigsaw puzzle
I need to solve to retain my sanity
A crazy storm rages inside me
I lie down exhausted
While my eyelids droop down
A visual flashes inside my eyes...
She was singing in the rain
She was up on the terrace
Talking to the sun and the wind
She loved the sea
She loved the mountains, their breeze
She longed for life...
I freeze
Tears flowing down
As I see images of the dreams she had
Her yearnings still move me
Her groanings still echo inside my mind
I look up at the endless sky
Pleading for mercy
Pleading for her sake and mine
Crushed and mangled somewhere within
Are dreams she dare not bring up
Dreams that gave her meaning to live
Dreams that made her sacrifice everything she was
Everything she had and hoped to be.
I stand between two time frames
The years when her dreams were alive
Then a long excruciating pause
A numbness that feels endless
Followed by a journey
A getting out of that insane hole
It took years for the wounds to heal
A prisoner of circumstances
It took years to breathe free again.
I need to go back through time
To find her who used to smell the roses...
If only there was another way!
You may wonder why all this effort
You may say why bother about a stranger
Well don’t you see?
She was me.
She was me
Years before the vagaries of life
Crushed my heart and my dreams
She is that me
Whose only possession
Was her dreams
Her little joys and trivial imaginations.
I find her and embrace her
We dance together in joy
The beauty of life returning to me
Songs and feelings begin to fill my heart
A parched land sings after blessings of rain!
I reminisce those bygone years
And wonder
“Can I dream again?”
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