Revisiting my journey in writing

I began writing while in school, but the first thing I wrote which was published publicly was a 'Letter to the Editor' written in 1985, when I was a teenager!

This was followed by poems published by 'Teenager' magazine in July 1986 and January 1987. They were titled 'Autumn' and 'The Reawakening.'

I wrote a piece titled 'Humanity' a neighborhood newsletter titled 'Vicinity.' It feels very relevant today as it fits with what is happening due to the war in Ukraine. It was published in February 1987.

 

I must thank my school 'St. Francis Desales School (SFS, Janakpuri) and especially my teacher Anies Sebastian for being the first person to teach me about poetry writing. I began in Class V and never stopped! It became a lifeline for me, literally! Thank you Anies Ma'am! All the 'thank you's' I say will not be enough, it has made such a huge difference in my life.

The Right to Be ME!

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I began the journey of life on the wrong foot

I got rejected for who I was when I was born

He didn't want me to be me - a girl

It took years and years for me to come to terms

with what happened the day I was born. 

 

Do people realize what their rejection of others 

does to them as persons? 

Do they stop to think that their words, their expressions

and actions or inactions are engraving sorrow on a soul? 

If they knew would they still do it? 

 

I didn't fight for myself, my life, my identity... 

I just fit in... became quiet, unheard and sat in a corner

Because I knew no one really wanted to know

what I thought or felt about anything. 

If they did, they would have asked. 

 

Quietness became a norm

Music became my friend

Pets the ones who really loved me

When I learned to write 

it became a lifeline to express myself. 

 

At every juncture in life

I had to struggle, I had to fight

just to hold on to my right

to be me, to be myself

Because I was what some people did not want me to be. 

 

I gave in a lot of times

Lived empty to fulfil their whims

moulding myself to be what they wanted 

Negating myself and who I was 

so I could live on crumbs that looked like acceptance. 

I didn't realize that I did not need 

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their approval to live, to exist

It was not their decision or choice to make!

My Creator chose to make me - me!

He designed me the way I am. 

 

After getting through many battles I learned

I was worth something, so my Maker saved me. 

The One Who created me, loved me 

He brought me out of the emptiness 

Touched me, healed me and spoke His love over me.

 

At times I felt an anger towards those who despise me

who do not accept me as I am

and want me to be less than what I was created to be

to satisfy their egos, their pride. 

Do they have the right to decide who I should be? 

 

They reject, they refuse to acknowledge or appreciate 

who I am and what I do

It used to hurt me, break my heart but not any more. 

Their unwarranted behaviour towards me

shows me how small, how petty they really are. 

 

Now I am in a better place

I realize there is one Person I need to think about

I must fulfil His purpose and plan for me

I must make HIM proud of me

I must live to the full and fulfil my destiny. 

 

If anyone has the right to be me - it is ME!

If anyone has the right to live - I do too!

If anyone tries to rob me of my rights I can fight!

If anyone tries to snuff out my spirit, I can reject them.

I belong where I am loved, accepted and celebrated for being me. 

~ Henrietta Decruz (C) 2020