Journey Homewards

Among the vast sea of humankind

I searched for peace and tranquility

And I found none.

Strife, stress and an unending story

Of unrequited, incomplete relationships

Despair, loneliness and isolation

Caused by the desire to live by higher values

Turns and turns, bends on the road

That led me nowhere…

Ultimately I realized I searched amiss

In the wrong place for the wrong things!

My search brought me home to me

What I sought was all within me

The guidance and direction I needed

Was given to me in written words

In my haste to taste fulfillment

I had forsaken them…

What folly!

I shut the door to the outer world

And began to pick the pieces

Of my fragmented heart and mind

One by one I put them back together.

The written word was truly a guide

The Spirit who gave it ever-present

I looked back at the whole road I travelled

And learned what He said was true.

Every time I had fumbled and fallen

Every time I had bruised my soul

It was a sign I lost control

Of this person I was entrusted with.

He had given me standards to be safe

I had not heeded them

My folly led to my downfall.

Woken up from a dazed sleep

I dusted off the frivolous thoughts

The vagrant ways I had adopted

In a bid to be accepted

By those who rejected me.

I took back the power

I had given other people

It made me feel complete and whole

For the first time in my life.

I felt I regained my goodness

My worth and my identity.  

Now I stand in a better place

Peace within and with myself

I know I have made mistakes

I know I did much wrong

The good thing is that I learned

From all of them.

I know I don’t want to go back

I know the road ahead is treacherous

But there is a guide, there is a plan

And I have to only follow the map 

That will lead me Home!

~ Henrietta Decruz (C) 2016

Angry with God?

We often judge God because of what someone else did. Perhaps it was ‘a parent you looked up to’, ‘someone you loved and would do anything for’, ‘a friend’, ‘a Christian’, ‘Pastor’, ‘preacher’, ‘someone serving God in a ministry’ or anyone – even a stranger who hurt you. They used their freewill and did something that hurt you, betrayed you, broke your trust, offended you, broke/ crushed your spirit and degraded you.

Just as Adam & Eve chose to do what God had told them ‘not’ to do and sinned against God, even those who hurt you, abused you, despicably used you for their own intrigues or interests have sinned against you and also sinned against God by doing so.

God being a just and righteous God will definitely deal with them for what they have done. However remember He is also a merciful God and that is why we don’t die the moment we sin or do wrong! He extends the same mercy and grace to you and others who sin against you. He does it so that each person has a chance and some time to repent, change, correct themselves and make amends for their wrongdoing. When He give them several chances and they don’t repent – that is when the Judge in Him arises to do justice to His children who suffered because of the wrong done – thus His wrath.

No one can save a person who has wasted/ frittered away the opportunity, the chance and time God gave them to repent and get right with God. When God decides enough is enough – no power on earth, no Satan, nothing can save the person/persons whose time is up. His will – will be done!

Can you breathe one breath after God says it is time for you to die? No! His power is invincible. People take His mercy for granted not realizing it is just a rope given so that they can repent and save their souls from hell, eternal perdition, the lake of fire where they can burn forever.

Earthly judges can be bought – God is beyond the thought of bribing or influencing! He is no respecter of persons. Earthly records can be fudged, erased, manipulated or changed but God’s records are perfect – your every thought, word and deed is recorded in His Book. You think nobody knows – SOMEONE who judges – knows everything about you! He knows the hidden things you did or thought about and didn’t do.

It is a grave thing to fall into the hands of God. Look up the records and see how the mighty have fallen all through history. No amount of money, power, name, fame, cunning could save the in the hour God dealt with them.

The simple, righteous man has a lot to rejoice – for his labours will be rewarded by the God who sees. He may suffer in this world as more and more people choose to go against God and do the opposite of what He said. But he will have the last laugh as he fears the One who has power over both body and soul and the life after the death of this physical body that each of us will go through.

Beware when you cheat and wrong someone – their tears are precious to God. He hears their cries and He will rise up in judgment against all those who wrong His children – both those who know Him and those who don’t.

He cares for the children He created – even those who mock and wrong Him. He makes the sun to shine on them too. He is fair – He give a lot of chances because what is at stake is their ‘soul’ and how they will spend eternity. You will do well if you seek Him, learn to heed Him, learn of Him and live the way He says – for then you will thrive and do well for eternity.

Would you choose to give up billions of dollars for a hundred dollar note? No! Isn’t it? It is downright foolish. Exactly in the same way – you are making a choice now. When you choose to go against God and live the way you please/opposite of what He said, you are trading and giving up your soul’s life – for thousands of years (eternity).

This lifetime is a test to see what you choose. The one true Living God has set before you the biggest decision you will ever make – choose to live forever with Him or choose to burn in Gehenna, the lake of fire for eternity. It is simple – it is His way or the way that leads to the eternal fire! No wonder He gives sinners so many chances to repent – once you are there, there is no way of coming back! It is a permanent change you are making! Take your life seriously. Give more into every thought, word and deed. They matter to Him.

Perhaps you are one of those who think ‘there is no God.’ Perhaps you think that ‘life is to have fun, enjoy while you have the chance, tomorrow anyway we have to die.’ What if you die and stand before the same God whom you denied and have to answer for all that you did? You will not be able to go back and change your life because you realize then that you were wrong. You will have to suffer for eternity for this false belief you held all your life. Too much depends on this chance you are taking.

If you have any doubts about who the real God is and what His nature is, seek Him! God promised that those who seek Him with all their hearts will surely find Him. He will reveal Himself to you if you seek Him! He is much more and beyond what earthly teachers say about Him. Do not depend on someone else’s experience of God to make your conclusions, have your own! He is your Creator too! He knows you inside out, He knows your thoughts – ask Him in your heart – whatever you need to know about Him and He will answer!

Understanding Intent

Have you spoken sincere words

Only to be tagged ‘proud’ and ‘arrogant’?

Or even worse ‘unjust’ and ‘a blamer’?

Have you shared what you really did

And heard others say ‘bragger’?

Or said something that really hurt you

And found the hearer judge

‘That’s not how it should be’?

And ‘How can you speak like that?’

Words that come from the heart

Report what a person really felt

Words about what a person did

Report what a person really did

This has nothing to do with ‘standards’

But to do with what ‘really happened’.

Perhaps people would rather you said

Things to suit their ‘way of thinking’

Like when someone keeps hurting you unjustly

They want you to say nice things about them!

Or even though you did a lot of things

They want you to pretend you cannot do them!

They do not want to accept that

There are people who feel things that they didn’t feel

Or who can do things they didn’t do.

They want people who are ‘different’

To change themselves around them

Just to suit their ‘shallow nature’.

I’m tired of walking around egg-shells

Caving in to the egos of people

Who do not want to rise above

Their narrow definitions

Of how a person can be

Or what a person can do.

I’m tired of being misunderstood

Just because they do not want

To live by higher principles of life

Or see the higher good in others

I do not want to measure

Myself or others by their ‘measly yardstick’!

I believe we are called to live

For higher ideals and purposes

I believe that each of us can be

Much more than we allow ourselves to be

If only we would know

The heights the human spirit can aspire to!

I’ve decided to be like the eagle

That flies above the storm

And sees places unseen to birds below.

I know it is a lonesome journey

But I believe that there are other eagles

I will meet and then I’ll have company!!! 

Words that cut like a knife...

Criticism hurts. Don’t worry if you have felt that way. Anyone in this world cannot say that they like being criticized. There are times when we are in a good mood and let it slip but there are also times when those words cut like a knife. It plagues our minds, we feel angry and agitated about it. If we let that feeling grow it might lead to some very unpleasant consequences for us and everyone concerned.

Feelings aside, the important thing to understand is what does criticism do to you? Do you give criticism the power to destroy you? Can criticism be good for you? How do we handle good and bad criticism? Let’s find answers to these questions...

If criticism paralyses you within, it is a serious problem and you need to deal with it immediately. You probably have a problem handling your temper and have deep seated anger which needs to be expressed but without creating more problems for you or others. Writing and venting out your angry feelings and then destroying it would be a good way of getting it out of your system. Remember this is for your eyes only, letting those angry words reach the person concerned will only aggravate your problems and make things more difficult for you. Some people find an aggressive sport very helpful, others just like to punch their pillow or speak to friend. Either way it is important to get it out of your system and in a way that is not harmful to others.

The positive side of criticism is that it can make you more determined to prove yourself. It channelizes all your energies into getting the desired results. For example, when a coach criticizes and refuses to appreciate an athlete even when he is good it is because he wants him to get better results.

Lack of criticism can lead to arrogance and too much criticism can break a person’s spirit down completely. It is important for us to know how to categorise criticism into good and bad criticism. Good criticism is constructive in nature. There is goodwill behind good criticism; it is about something that you haven’t learnt about yourself or your work that you will need to change. Doing so will make you a better person and improve your performance. Good criticism is a blessing in disguise.

Bad criticism doesn’t care about you at all. It is directed at you because the giver has a grudge against you. When someone criticises your face, your nose or things that you cannot change, it shows that they have a mean streak in them. He or she just simply is plain jealous and cannot stand to see you gain or do well. It may also be because the giver of such criticism wants to be one up on you. You can plainly see here that this person has a problem. He or she is not a balanced person and perhaps is in need of help themselves. When you analyze the criticism and come up with this conclusion it is best to not let that criticism be important at all since doing so will defeat its very purpose. Giving it importance will encourage such a person to criticize you further... and that would mean more trouble!

“A monkey on a tree hurled a coconut at the head of a Sufi.

The man picked it up, drank the milk, ate the flesh and made a bowl from the shell. Thank you for your criticism of me.” 

~ Anthony de Mello from his book ‘Song of the Bird’ 

When you are criticized don’t let it tear you apart. Just like the Sufi in this story, we too can take the criticism, analyse it, look at it from every side, take whatever is good in it for our self-development and then throw away whatever is worthless and degrading.

Looking back you will see your life was made better because you made the most out of all the criticism that was thrown at you. In fact, one could say that if you are not being criticised it is a bad thing... because it either means that you are trying too hard to please everyone; or are mediocre and don’t warrant a comment or that you are not doing anything extra-ordinary at all! Remember the best fruit trees get the most stones! So pull up and brace yourself for the next round of criticism... let it come!!!

The Prison

She sat and cried

Held there at that place

Against her will.

Like a bird in a cage

Fluttering away

Hitting the bars

Losing strength

Flying in one place.

Like a prisoner

Chained to her cell

Looking out through bars

Longing to be freed.

Unseen unknown

The walls, the boundaries

Held her captive

An emotional prison

She longed to break free from.

Life moved on for those around

In Technicolor

What light, what speed

What great special effects!

While she had to

Make herself content

With just black & white

In slow motion.

I want to go

I want to grow

I want to breathe

Freely!

She cried.

Within her heart

Her voice resounded

Like echoes

Loud and clear

But on the outside

They were only muffles

Sighs and groans.

Cries that went unheard

Because no one cared

To know about her welfare.

Whenever she spoke

A word about her misery

They frowned.

“Look at her complaining!”

“Everything is fine...”

“You’re just imagining it...”
“How can you talk like that?”

“That’s not how it’s supposed to be!”

“You should yield, give in

Listen to your tormentor...”

Little did they know

Their advice meant

‘Give up the right to live

The way you want

The way you were meant to

The way that would fulfil you.’

How can anyone tell you

Not to be yourself

Not to breathe

Not to live

A complete life?

Boundaries are fine

When they keep you safe

And help define you

Give you stability.

Boundaries kill

When they snuff the life out of you

When they restrict your being

When they block movement

And the vision to live

A complete life.

Boundaries stunt

Degrade and kill

The free spirit, initiative

The unfolding of uniqueness.

It stunts the stature

Of a human being

A timeless mortal

And makes her

A mere statistic

A birth and death entry

In a municipal register.

Some long for freedom so much

That they take the one way ticket

Of no return

When the breath is stilled

And the heartbeat stops forever.

“Not for me!” she said.

“I’m going to be free!

No matter what comes

I am going to breathe

To venture out of the boundaries

And live!!!”

I am not going to be content

With mere survival!

I am going to get out of the prison

To experience the joy

Of being myself

No matter what anyone thinks about me!

 I choose my freedom

My right to live

To be the person

I was born to be.

Too bad if someone doesn’t understand

Bad for them, not me!!

Goodbye pseudo boundaries

Goodbye prison walls

Goodbye the stench of suffocating air

Goodbye emotional blackmailers

Goodbye old life!

I have finally decided

It’s time to be free

It’s time to be me

It’s time to reach out for a star.

It’s time to dream

And give it a go

Make it come true!

There may be storms

There may be rains

There may be suffering

But it won’t be in vain.

I get to be me

I get to live

I get to dream again!

So Adios!

Sayonara!

Auf wiedersehn!

Goodbye prison.

It’s time for you

To be locked and put away

In a prison called the past.

-       -   Henrietta Decruz

Battered

It was not my fault

I was battered.

Unsuspecting I lay

At that spot

Trusting to be cared for

Yearning for things

I was only deprived of.

Born to be cherished

Sought to be loved

Yet a little infant

Was given nothing but pain.

Lying helpless in the hands

Of the rejecter

Torn, twisted and mauled in spirit

Beyond recognition

Beyond help...

Years made it worse

The beaten are not spared

By those who have seen good times.

They speculate

They analyse

They judge

If this had to happen to you

You must have done something

To deserve it.

They speak words that maim.

Comforters are none

Finger pointers

Overwhelmingly many.

How can a victim survive

If no one rescues?

How can one who only suffered

Make it through life?

Tattered in mind, spirit and soul

Who would make them whole?

I lay motionless and numb

Pain engraved inside my psyche

Almost soaked with grief

Almost dead

No one came

No one missed me

Because I wasn’t home

From the beginning.

In a world full of noise

Who misses a silent pause?

Then the miracle happened

A hand from outside this realm

Reached out and touched me

And oh the joy of being touched!

I looked around and saw no one.

No one was visible.

We played peek-a-boo

Then I slowly learnt

About my mysterious friend.

Shrouded in an invisible garb

He spoke words that

Brought me back to life.

I didn’t complain about

What He was or wasn’t

Because His words...

They were life itself to me

They brought strength and form

Into this formless mass called me.

As healing returned

I ventured back

Into the world that didn’t want me.

They put numerous tags on me

They made me the butt of jokes

I felt like a specimen

I felt like a worm

I felt I was battered

Over and over again.

But this time it was different

He was standing with me.

His love filled me so...

The taunts and stares

Didn’t dent my spirit

I grew in great measure

I thrived on His love.

I found the treasure, the fountain

Of everlasting life and love.

Now no one can touch me

No one can violate me

He stands guard over me

My heart and my life.

I am in love with my Protector

In a way no one understands

Well no one notices a speck

But when someone does

That speck becomes a person!

I’ve met messengers

Who say they speak for Him

But they hardly do justice to Him

For I know His touch

I know His voice

I know Him very well.

I still face the stares and the glares

I still get taunted for all I went through.

But with Him talking

And walking beside me

I know I can make it

The rest of the way.

And now when the judgers start talking

It doesn’t hurt me anymore

Cause I know the One  

Who really matters.