Criticism hurts. Don’t worry if you have felt that way. Anyone in this world cannot say that they like being criticized. There are times when we are in a good mood and let it slip but there are also times when those words cut like a knife. It plagues our minds, we feel angry and agitated about it. If we let that feeling grow it might lead to some very unpleasant consequences for us and everyone concerned.
Feelings aside, the important thing to understand is what does criticism do to you? Do you give criticism the power to destroy you? Can criticism be good for you? How do we handle good and bad criticism? Let’s find answers to these questions...
If criticism paralyses you within, it is a serious problem and you need to deal with it immediately. You probably have a problem handling your temper and have deep seated anger which needs to be expressed but without creating more problems for you or others. Writing and venting out your angry feelings and then destroying it would be a good way of getting it out of your system. Remember this is for your eyes only, letting those angry words reach the person concerned will only aggravate your problems and make things more difficult for you. Some people find an aggressive sport very helpful, others just like to punch their pillow or speak to friend. Either way it is important to get it out of your system and in a way that is not harmful to others.
The positive side of criticism is that it can make you more determined to prove yourself. It channelizes all your energies into getting the desired results. For example, when a coach criticizes and refuses to appreciate an athlete even when he is good it is because he wants him to get better results.
Lack of criticism can lead to arrogance and too much criticism can break a person’s spirit down completely. It is important for us to know how to categorise criticism into good and bad criticism. Good criticism is constructive in nature. There is goodwill behind good criticism; it is about something that you haven’t learnt about yourself or your work that you will need to change. Doing so will make you a better person and improve your performance. Good criticism is a blessing in disguise.
Bad criticism doesn’t care about you at all. It is directed at you because the giver has a grudge against you. When someone criticises your face, your nose or things that you cannot change, it shows that they have a mean streak in them. He or she just simply is plain jealous and cannot stand to see you gain or do well. It may also be because the giver of such criticism wants to be one up on you. You can plainly see here that this person has a problem. He or she is not a balanced person and perhaps is in need of help themselves. When you analyze the criticism and come up with this conclusion it is best to not let that criticism be important at all since doing so will defeat its very purpose. Giving it importance will encourage such a person to criticize you further... and that would mean more trouble!
“A monkey on a tree hurled a coconut at the head of a Sufi.
The man picked it up, drank the milk, ate the flesh and made a bowl from the shell. Thank you for your criticism of me.”
~ Anthony de Mello from his book ‘Song of the Bird’
When you are criticized don’t let it tear you apart. Just like the Sufi in this story, we too can take the criticism, analyse it, look at it from every side, take whatever is good in it for our self-development and then throw away whatever is worthless and degrading.
Looking back you will see your life was made better because you made the most out of all the criticism that was thrown at you. In fact, one could say that if you are not being criticised it is a bad thing... because it either means that you are trying too hard to please everyone; or are mediocre and don’t warrant a comment or that you are not doing anything extra-ordinary at all! Remember the best fruit trees get the most stones! So pull up and brace yourself for the next round of criticism... let it come!!!
