Salaam Zindagi! – A Salute to Life

My life has come full circle

I started out with many minuses

There were many tearful years

But everything turned out beautifully for me

The negatives were dealt with

The positives I held on to

Became lifesavers… literally!

I am not saying I’m a hero

I am not saying I did it all by myself

I am not saying that life is a bed of roses

But I am saying that my life turned around!

My sadness and sorrow was turned to joy!

From living in despair not knowing my future

I have become a person who is happy and content.

There was a time I stood at the brink

Not wanting to live

Not having a reason to live

There wasn’t a soul who knew of my predicament

No human soul…

But the God Who created me…

He knew and held on to me.

I cannot but stand in awe that…

This great God Who holds the universe in His hands

Should care so much for one tiny little soul

Like me.

Why would He stoop so low to touch the ground

Just to comfort one hurting soul,

One girl no one else wanted.

Yes there He was day after day,

Night after night… without fail

Patiently bearing with my unbelief

Waiting for me to look to Him with faith.

It took Him years but He got my attention

When it dawned on me

That I had been saved in every way possible. 

Today I know that no matter what

My God is for me, He is with me and will never leave me!

I can vouch that even in troubled times

He will always be by my side…

My biggest encourager, support, teacher and guide

My most gracious provider and protector

He even fights my battles for me!

Today I have no doubt

That anyone anywhere can make it

If they just give Him one chance

To touch their life.

The ever-loving hands of the great ‘I AM’

Are ever reaching down to hold a soul

To touch, to comfort, to fill their every need. 

This great Creator didn’t stay in a heavenly mansion

Cut off from the pains we endure as humans

Jesus instead chose to become man,

Live a life like us and become a sacrifice

So we wouldn’t have to suffer ‘forever’.  

His love for each soul compelled Him

To make the supreme sacrifice… So great is His love!

If you have doubts or fears

If your eyes are full of tears

If you have no source of joy or supply

Try Him! He won’t let you down 

If friends and family have abandoned you

In your most dire need…

Call Him! He will be there for you!

~ Henrietta Decruz

A New Beginning!

Its been a while since I wrote a blog. I was always meaning to write one... but weeks became months and I got really busy too.

In the course of Life, there are so many lessons to learn... some from our own experiences and some through those of others. There is never a dull moment!

Questions become essays and essays become chapters... and life goes on!

The good thing is that some questions do have answers... and some of these answers are helpful and interesting too.

In the recent months, I experienced the generosity of someone I haven't even met. Her generosity gave me the most priceless gift. The gift of overcoming the obstacles that I had encountered in my earlier years of life. Obstacles that had become stumbling blocks and didn't let me move ahead.

When someone has had to experience a lot of rejection, pain and suffering for years, the most obvious conclusion they would come to is that 'humans cannot be trusted.' But when someone comes through the chaos, the confusion and lights a lamp in the midst of the darkness that engulfs you... something magical happens... you begin to feel, to care, to believe that goodness still exists in the world and there is hope for you!

This somewhat describes what happened to me. The generous good deed by this precious lady had a great impact on me. It happened out of the blue!

My life's course took a great leap forward! I could see, learn and understand myself, my life situation and have a clearer more positive image of my future, thanks to what she facilitated. I pray that the Lord will bless her greatly just as the impact she had on my life.

I also got back to art! I got myself a new drawing book and decided to try using pastel colours for a change. And the result? This!

Colourful! - Henrietta Decruz

Drop of Life! - Henrietta Decruz

Scenery - Henrietta Decruz

The Cross at the Center - Henrietta Decruz

From Chaos to Clarity - Henrietta Decruz

Are you grappling with questions too? How do you deal with them?

Do you have hobbies that help you express yourself and what you are going through?

If you feel like it, do share about it.

😊

Where Is Your Treasure?

This video asks some very pertinent questions!

Do watch it!





P.S: I take no credits for this video. 

Heroes Come and Heroes Go

Heroes come and heroes go

Time goes on and no one knows

What the future holds for each

What the present tries to teach.

When we rave about someone

Make them bigger than they really are

It’s not fair, it sets them up

To lose their tag of being a star.

And on that day, people will cry

Some will wail a wail

While others will die

Because they said he wouldn’t fail.

Wake up people! This is life

If you fight a fight you can win or lose

Life is full of strife

Win or lose it’s not for us to choose.

Let your hero have some peace

Surely he didn’t want to lose

He works so hard, he paid a price

Don’t let his stardom become a noose.

Remember the good and great things he’d done

Thank him for his good skills and good work

Remember the matches and battles he won

Thank God for memories we have to look back.

- Henrietta Decruz 

Dedicated to the Football heroes, teams and fans who were sorely disappointed in this World Cup. 

An Old Song & A New Journey

It has been a while since the ‘Good Old Golden Oldies’ have been tugging at my heart. They were reminding me of the times when I was just a quiet little girl who would almost always be found near the radio listening to songs. These were the songs that played at that time!

I was a shy girl who didn’t like to come up in front when visitors came home and found it difficult to make conversation with anyone! (Well, that is history!)

Music was life to my soul! I breathe music and the melodies and rhythms of my favorite songs was everything to me. I would sing Hindi Bollywood songs, Western songs and even sit glued to the radio when classical music played! I loved almost every kind of music.

What was special about my singing along was that I would imitate the singer, whether it was male or female. I enjoyed mimicking Kishore Kumar, Mukesh and Mohammed Rafi as much as I liked singing along with Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle! I sang the Western numbers too!  

As time passed I noticed that the quality of songs in Bollywood movies came down drastically. Since I am a writer-songwriter, the lyrics mattered to me a lot. The lyrics of many songs that came then were terrible and I just could allow myself to sing those songs. Disheartened I left my post beside the radio. But the Golden Oldies lived on at every Antakshari I could be part of, any picnic or event where anyone loved them.

Anyway, many years later, some months ago, I wondered if I can still sing in the male voice as I used to. It took some weeks and finally I mustered up the confidence to sing and record it.

While a lot of songs dallied with my heart to be the first one… somehow the song “Aanewala Pal Jaane Wala Hai” from the film Gol Maal (1979) managed to grab my attention. So here I was downloading a karaoke track to sing too and recording my voice, mixing them and voila! My own cover version of the song happened! I was quite happy with the results so I decided to share it with my friends on Facebook. Their sweet comments and appreciation have made me smile much more than I usually did!

Here’s the link to check out my cover version of this song…

https://www.reverbnation.com/henriettadecruz/song/29695450-aane-wala-pal-jaane-hai-cover-by?source=artistProfile

If you love the Good Old Golden Oldies’ I hope it rekindles old memories and makes you smile too!

My experience with this cover song has opened up a new chapter of the Good Old Golden Oldies once again in my life. I am happy that I can sing them and bring joy to so many people.

Smile and keep on smiling!!!

What does it mean to be a woman?

In some parts of India, it means you have no right to live, the female foetus is killed in the womb or the baby girl is killed after she is born.

In many cultures it means being born a human being but being counted as less than that because you were born to be a girl.

 

It means being conditioned to think what they want you to think

It also means to be 'free to be oneself and have your own dreams’ is a lonely and tiresome battle.

It means you’re taught to think of others so much

That you forget to learn to take care of yourself.

The onus is so much on ‘others’ that you begin to believe you are invisible and you will get by while others take you for granted almost always.

It means when you go through abuse, people tell you, “It didn’t happen, forget about it”

Because if you spoke about it, it will give your family a bad name.

It means suffering in silence while the one who is causing the suffering keeps on hurting you.

You bear it up until you can’t take it anymore and then you run for your life.

It means having different parts of your ‘self’ that don’t seem to fit together

You cannot be yourself in different places so you become the ‘role’ you have to play.

It means being emotional and being looked down upon for being emotional
Because this world doesn't care for sensitive people and ‘feelings.’

It means you get treated like you’re dumb-doll if you’re beautiful

And getting treated like a doormat if you are simple and plain looking.

It means having to work double or triple the amount to be counted in the world

You manage your household, take care of the children and do your job as though it was the only thing you do!

It means seeing rapist after rapist let out by the courts of the land citing lack of evidence

And finding the victim was treated worse than the criminal and had to go through torture during court proceedings.  

It means managing your family single-handed when your husband is alcoholic, an addict or absent,

Having to slog day and night and still be misunderstood and have to bear the brunt for doing it alone. 

It means no matter which day it is, you have no rest – day or night, holiday or working day…

Whether you are sick or healthy, whether you are down in the dumps or not… Just cook, clean up and feed others before you care for yourself.

It means the life-partner may not be present in the family and still some will call him the ‘Head of the family,’ 

For some women it means not being in touch with your own friends and not having time to have a hobby of their own, many men on the other hand are able to go for recreational activities like playing cricket or other sports with their friends.

For some women, it means not being able to call, meet or speak to their own family members

For some others, their own family doesn't care if they are dead or alive as they think that 'She is from that family now'. 

In many places it means not getting the same wages for the same work,

And in some countries it means not having the right to decide for yourself.

I am a woman. How do I see myself?

I see myself as a human being first and then as a woman. 
It means that as a human I have intelligence, abilities, talents, dreams and desires as any man does.  

The Bible says in Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them." This means God created men and women as equals and both are made in 'His likeness'. God Himself makes it clear through this verse that He did not create women to be substandard or to be lesser than men in any way.

Moreover Galatians 3:28 says, "There is [now no distinction] neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Isn't it great to know this! If only everyone knew and understood this. It would change how they view women and treat them. Wouldn't it?

I believe each person is special and unique. 

A woman is not a separate species. She belongs to humankind. Human rights are applicable to everyone which means it is applicable for women too. 

Having said that let me acknowledge that there is a difference between men and women. The  difference lies in the fact that the female gender has a special role in the continuity of the race. Women give birth to children and spend a lot of time as mothers taking care of their children. This doesn't mean that men have a less important part in bringing a child into this world, the truth is that they have an equally important duty in teaching children how to live right by being a father and a good role model for them. I am happy to see that many men now take their duties and roles as fathers seriously compared to in bygone years. 

Let us stand up for women, uphold their dignity and self-respect and support them so that all women can be and become all that God the Creator created them to be. Let us also ensure that all women are treated equally.  

Free to be myself!

Save the Voice - a song

More than a week back, I had a terrible cough that caused me to lose my voice. I could barely speak! During that time, while at work, I read about Hugh Masekela and his anti-apartheid songs. Though I have written cause related songs before, suddenly I thought why not write another one. As I pondered on the subject to write on... I thought of the people who had to pay a price for speaking up against an injustice. Some were treated badly, some beaten up and some were even killed because they stood up for the truth.

Being in a place where I wanted to speak but couldn't because I had lost my voice... I thought about those who are in a terrible situation and have no voice, no one to bring them justice. I could feel the importance of speaking. Just sharing what happened with others is a very important thing. Even if it doesn't change the situation immediately it brings a feeling of relief that someone else knows about the problems being faced by the sufferer and is supportive.

In the last year, we have had many women come forward and speak up in the #MeToo and Time's Up campaigns. Not just the women who suffered due to sexual assaults by Harvey Weinstein, it was heart wrenching to hear the accounts of the brave US gymnasts who had suffered silently at the hands of doctor Larry Nassar for many years. Imagine the heart crushing weight they carried on their souls even as they fought for their Olympics medals. They were all brave women and yet it took so long for the truth to be known and dealt with. The gymnasts who had spoken up earlier were all silenced and this led to the grave injustice being perpetrated for many more years as a result of which the number of sufferers increased alarmingly.

It is important that truth has a voice. It is important that injustice is dealt with speedily. No one should have to suffer, this is especially so for the innocent, the helpless and the needy. So we need more heroes. We need more voices... people who will choose to be the voice of sanity in this generation!

And that is how my song was born.

Save the Voice

Save the voice

Save the voice of sanity

Because we have a choice

A choice to save humanity

Save the voice

Save us from this insanity

Save the voice

Save the voice of humanity.

We’ve come out of the dark ages, long ago, long ago!

Don’t let them tear out the dark pages - of history

We left all of the tears behind

We left all of the grail and grind

We’re better now (2)

So just save the voice.

 

They may do all that they may dare

We must speak up and show that we care!

Yes we must save the voice

Because we have a choice

If we keep silent, the world will change

If we stand still as though locked in a cage

Who will survive? (2)

And who will know.

So just make the choice

Come on and make the choice!

You too can rise up and be that voice

Be that voice, yes you can be that voice!

It doesn’t matter if they come to blows

They may get worse till their insanity shows

You can speak up so everyone knows

Be the voice, make that choice

You too can be that voice

 

No one knows those who’re silent and lost

If you gotta stand up, you’ve to pay the cost

Of being someone

Of being known

You too can be that voice

So choose to be that voice!

Come on everybody!

Be the voice (2)

Be the voice of sanity!

Because you have a choice

You have a choice

To be the voice of humanity.

- Henrietta Decruz (C) 2018

P.S All image credits belong to their rightful owners. Heartfelt thanks to each of them. 

Turn around - Look you’ve come so far

So many setbacks

So many obstacles

You’ve travelled too far

Yet you think

You’re not fulfilled

Stop, look and think.

Look again

You will see

You are much more

Than what you think

You have come quite far

From where you had begun.

Very few can ever know

The battles you have fought

To come this far

The gaps and voids you lived with

You walked without help

Every step is a milestone.

It is easy to achieve success

When everything is handed over to you

Real greatness comes from the humbled

Who had no one to lift their head

Try running a race when you limp

Or flying when you have no wings!

Survivor, overcomer, victor

These are words you should wear

Inside your soul

They are embossed

No one can take away

Your victory

Henrietta Decruz 

Change can be good

Sometimes we tend to hang on

To old things

Old memories

Old places

People we once knew

Who went away

Phases in our life

A time of joy or love

Loyalty to memories

Over loyalty to oneself

We tend to shun change

As though it is betrayal

But the truth is

Change is good

What does not change

Stagnates, decays and dies.

Change is proof you are alive

Change means you’re on a journey

You’re still on the way

To achieving something

A dream, a goal, a purpose

Change is process

Change is learning

Change changes us

You and I are not static

We move

We grow

We learn

We understand

We analyse

We thrive

We meditate

Looking back at difficult times

There is always something to learn

There are mysteries to solve

Questions to find answers to

Old patterns to decode

Delink from and discard

Who did what and why

Where is the key?  

Once out of that process

It is time to bid goodbye

To the past

There is no point in lingering

To smell the stale air

Of a bygone time

Come out of the stupor

Embrace the fresh new air

Change is new life

A seed turning into a sapling

Flowers turning into fruits

Our life is a circle

It keeps on turning

Just as the clocks hands

Keep moving

Move on, embrace change!

~ Henrietta Decruz 

(C) 2017

No Regrets

Talking to someone

Retracing steps in life

I realized

I’ve come a long way

I learned

I have grown

I rejoice

I have no regrets.

Though pain stabbed

My inner being

Grief almost

Maimed my soul

My heart cried

Till every tear had run dry

I survived

I lived to tell my story.

At every juncture

Every difficult phase

My heart though grieved

Had made the right decisions

I loved

I gave

I helped

I cared for others.

I thank God

Who has been

My Helper

My Counselor

My Comforter

My Guide

My Strength

My Protector.

Years of pain

Numbed my mind

Yet He kept me going

He kept me sane

His love a balm

Over every wound

His words so loving

It gave me life.

It may seem

I am a hero

But I know

The real hero

Is God, the One

Who silently shielded

Carried and held me 

Till I found myself. 

- Henrietta Decruz

I AM Radio plays my song 'Follow Me'

On the 25th February 2017, I received the most wonderful news!

Bob McKinley, the Station Director of I AM Radio wrote to me saying, "We listened to both of your songs and thought that "Follow Me" was the best fit for our Christian Contemporary station. With your permission we will add it to our featured playlist. God Bless and may the Holy Spirit inspire you to keep writing more songs!"

It was the best news for me!

Today, the 6th March 2017, my joy was complete as I heard my song play on air live through I AM Radio!

What a joy!


About I AM Radio

I AM Radio is a non-profit commercial-free radio station located in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. We believe that music is a social medium that reaches out to believers and non-believers alike and that is also why we chose the rock and adult contemporary formats. We want to give people an alternative to the other rock and contemporary media out there which promotes hopelessness, despair, anger, and lust. Instead we want to provide a message of hope and encouragement. There are many talented and committed Christian artists creating Christian Music and we hope to promote them and their message.


A BIG Thank You to I AM Radio!! They are a big blessing to me! I hope my song will be a blessing to many people around the world!

You can listen to I AM Radio here...

If you would like to hear the song 'Follow Me' you can hear it here...
http://henriettadecruz.com/

The Everyday Hero

When your little toe hurts

It hurts so badly

It makes you think

The pain can kill you!

It does not matter then

How you look

What clothes you wear

What others think about you…

What will happen tomorrow

Or one hour later.

Trauma robs a person

Of everything enjoyable

Locks them in a dungeon

Made of grief and despair

Sorrow that cannot be shared…

A lonely desolate place

Where no one understands

No one speaks to you

No one cares

Death lingers around.

Prolonged trauma kills

Persona, dreams, desires for joy

Imagine a time when

Every breath weighs a ton

Every moment is unbearable

And you feel you just can’t go on.

Imagine living with your worst enemy

Someone who wants you dead

Someone who wished you were never born

Someone who hates who you are…

Whenever you meet a person

Dressed shabbily, looking drab

Downcast eyes, sad countenance

Covered with an invisibility cloak

Suggesting they don’t exist

Don’t write them off.

Chances are they are survivors

Fighting the greatest battle

Of their lives

Fighting just to live!

Some of such heroes

Live under cover

Different identities

Different faces

For different people or places.

They don’t want to burden you

With their sad stories

But their inner walls

Have a thousand trophies

Of times they made it by a whisker.

I salute these heroes

Of everyday life

Who never get a mention

In a newspaper, website or tweet

Someday as they keep fighting

They will make a better life

Someday their beacon

Will become a flame

That guides many others

Helps them find their way home!

~ Henrietta Decruz 

Healing and Restoration - Everyone Needs it!!

Hello Everyone!

For those who follow my blog closely, you must have wondered where I disappeared! Well for the truth to be told, there are times when we need to take a dive within ourselves. We need to search and ponder and bring to a sense of order to our memories, our sense of who we are and whom we belong to... and also the meaning of life and what we really want to do with it. 

I felt it was time and so I took off. I needed to come to terms with my own life story and all the life experiences I have been through in this lifetime. I'm happy to say that I have found peace and refreshing at last! 

During this time I was really blessed to attend a 3 Day Workshop on Child Emotional Trauma and Trauma Informed Care organized by the Child Healing Centre, Bangalore. The trainers of the workshop were Ruby Johnston and Lynn Johnston of the LAMb International Canada and USA. George Ebenezer, the Managing Director of Child Healing Centre and Santhosa Samsara Social Charitable Trust was instrumental in organizing this workshop. 

The workshop was a great tool in helping me come to terms with my own life story. It also helped me understand how children from hard places needed to be cared for. One of the things Ruby Johnston said was that each child had a unique story and only they 'own' that story. It is the story of their life. 

I've spent years trying to grapple with my life story because I too am a child from a hard place. I find various reactions from people when I share a painful truth about my life and most of the time it would make me regret sharing as people don't understand where I am coming from or my reasons for sharing them. Some people think I am speaking ill of the 'persons' in my story but there is a difference between saying something to malign a person and speaking the truth about what happened to you. 

This workshop helped me realize that I own my story, my story is about what really happened to me. My story belongs to only me and not anyone else even in my family. No one else may understand my story or have felt what I went through. They don't have to because they have their own story! This brought me great peace and restoration because finally I could deal with all the voices and fingers that were pointing at me as though I am doing something wrong.  

I would encourage everyone to take time to go deep within and set right the doubts and questions you have about your past. Find answers and set the past free so you can live your life in a meaningful and fruitful way. Only when we own our identity completely having made peace with our past, can we live in the present in a natural and confident way.  

It is not easy for those who have not had 'normal' lives to do this. Not everyone comes from 'normal families.' Many people have had experiences of trauma at some point in their lives. Some are still facing it in their present. The workshop taught me that living with consistent pain for a number of years has a deep impact in how the brain functions and it can change the personality of the person too. 

It is sad that most of the time people living with pain are advised to not speak about it to anyone. Our society likes to behave like a monster that forces them to hide their sorrows and trauma under a carpet! This is nothing less than swallowing people alive as it inhibits them from finding their 'real self' and living a fulfilling and meaningful life! 

In some countries like the US and in Europe trauma care is very advanced and professionals assist such persons to overcome the challenges they face in life. There is no stigma attached, so those who are broken in spirit and broken-hearted can reach out and get the help they need. However, most countries have a long way to go to get there. India is one of them!

My understanding of children who have gone through trauma has increased a great deal thanks to Olga Martin, the founder of Street-Heroes Of India (SOI). SOI has been helping children from hard places who are housed in children's home find healing and restoration through various kinds of therapy including art, music, drama, dance and the like.

Thanks to George Ebenezer's efforts through Child Healing Centre, Bangalore things are beginning to change! They have planned a set of similar workshops across India! I believe this will help bring the change that India needs so much! If you are interested in participating in any of their future workshops do drop him a line!

Let us bring real change to India! Let us bring awareness in this nation so that children from hard places can find healing and restoration and live a life of peace!  

~ Henrietta Decruz 

If you would like to read more, do check these links: 
Adverse Childhood Experiences 
Can Family Secrets Make You Sick? 
The Toll of Childhood Trauma